Happy Birthday Momsie

Despite my rage, it's the mother's birthday so here's to my mum: Happy Birthday Momsie ♥ 

I'm 20 and you're in your mid 50s now, and time is definitely not waiting for anyone. I dread yours and dad's birthdays because they are now just reminders of how you guys are not getting any younger, and there is nothing that I can do about it. I pray for you to be healthy and happy and blessed all your life. Nothing I do can ever repay you for the sacrifices you have made for the family, but i sincerely hope that one day I will be able to. I will find myself a decent job and carry your burdens and you will finally be able to retire happily and live stress-free. Or you could always continue working because being a workaholic and all, I know that you actually like working. You have suffered more than enough now. It will not happen in the next 4 years, but soon, I promise. I'm sorry that all I can give you now are presents which you claim to be a waste of money, but that is the least I can do for now. I hope that you like them. All that you do, you always do them wholeheartedly and with the most sincerity. May God always bless you and I am thankful and blessed to have you as my momsie

My house is like a giant store room

and I get so frustrated sometimes. Like sometimes I literally just sit in the living room and look around me and get so annoyed and I can literally feel the angst in me because the house which I'm living in is a complete mess (i.e. now). Boxes and paper bags filled with tons of stuff are piled up over each other at every single corner of this house it's so frustrating. I would show a photo of it but it's just too embarrassing I cannot even. What makes it even more frustrating is that as much as I want to clear all this pile of nonsense, I cannot because none of it belongs to me but to the mother. As long as there is an empty space in sight, she will definitely chuck something she bought there I swear. It's gotten worse since she stopped working. Both ends of the sofa are occupied by her things since, and the only place to sit is in the middle of the fucking sofa like what what what what that is definitely not what a sofa is meant for. Three quarters of the dining tables are filled with her stuff too (we have 2 dining tables btw) holy shit my god I do not understand the thoughts of a hoarder. More than half of my life I have been living with such a huge mess it's just so frustrating I don't think anyone will understand? Not being ungrateful, but it's definitely one of the reasons why I cannot wait to move out into my own apartment just so I can finally live in a nice clean neat place.  It may not seem like it, but the level of frustration here is sky fucking high -__-

study stu st s s s sia siasu

So my 2-week study break officially starts today, and as expected, I have gotten nothing done because I have no sense of urgency whatsoever. A semester into uni life has definitely not been the best and I have been struggling between the two choices: To pursue studies or go out to work??? And by work of course i mean Singapore Airlines

Honestly if i were to weigh the pros and cons between the two, all that I have achieved in school are average to below average grades. So, do i pay to go to school and get below average scores, or get paid to go to work, travel and earn some money? (So obvious which I should totally be going for)

The only con which I can think of for going to work is no more weekends with the bf (which is very very important to me) and ultimately, no degree (which is otherwise assumed to be a "basic necessity" to survive in Singapore). I don't think that I'm ready to sacrifice my weekends for a job right now so I guess the option of going to work is out.

No idea why I'm still debating and whining over this when I have been in school for almost a semester now??? Just excuse me while I continue to be bitter and to try and seek comfort while accepting the fact that I am stuck with another 4 years of studying. I will forever and always be envious of people whose job scope involves them flying across the globe ok )": I will always be counting down to the end of my education journey. Sometimes I just cannot believe that I "conformed to the ways of society", can I put it that way? I can now be easily labelled as just a typical Singaporean pursuing business studies (obviously), and accepting the fate of becoming an office-slave. On a brighter note, I have definitely not accepted this tragic fate of mine ok 👌

What is Life

Basically me being v sick of work. I think I am allergic to assignments because every time I have to start on it, I procrastinate like hell (as you can see). Spend the entire day on my laptop but I basically ended up with at least ten different tabs in a single incognito window which I cannot close because I will eventually need all of them for a stupid essay. Oh yes, and I finally got hold of my new laptop aka a macbook, which I am pretty satisfied and happy with - apart from the fact that it's having issues with my home network, which actually gets on my nerve a lot. I am such a failure becus i can't even keep my blog regularly updated (signs of a failure). So here's a quick update for my future reference:

 I just turned 20 almost a month ago. Expected my life to be an exciting roller coaster of emotions with turning 20 and entering into a new school and bf entering into army and all but null. The only roller coaster of emotions I feel are the monthly PMS symptoms lel Depression and Angst and Joy and Annoyance are basically the emotions I felt within these 3 days, which I do not understand how one can feel so much in such a short span of time? Considering the fact that nothing major has happened in my life, by the way. Period is supposed to be in 2 weeks, so I'm honestly not sure if it's PMS or am I just crazy. University has been a little bit of a disappointment because it just isn't as enjoyable as I thought it would be. All I honestly want to do is just to go school, get over with submissions, and carry on with my every day life. Four years of this is going to be torturous but life is torturous as it is. I have just decided at this very moment that within these 4 years, I shall have a goal in mind to improve my skin condition, to be up to Singapore Airline's standards, and be able to fly upon graduation. Also, I really should start hitting a gym to vent out frustrations in life lel