Happy Birthday Momsie

Despite my rage, it's the mother's birthday so here's to my mum: Happy Birthday Momsie ♥ 

I'm 20 and you're in your mid 50s now, and time is definitely not waiting for anyone. I dread yours and dad's birthdays because they are now just reminders of how you guys are not getting any younger, and there is nothing that I can do about it. I pray for you to be healthy and happy and blessed all your life. Nothing I do can ever repay you for the sacrifices you have made for the family, but i sincerely hope that one day I will be able to. I will find myself a decent job and carry your burdens and you will finally be able to retire happily and live stress-free. Or you could always continue working because being a workaholic and all, I know that you actually like working. You have suffered more than enough now. It will not happen in the next 4 years, but soon, I promise. I'm sorry that all I can give you now are presents which you claim to be a waste of money, but that is the least I can do for now. I hope that you like them. All that you do, you always do them wholeheartedly and with the most sincerity. May God always bless you and I am thankful and blessed to have you as my momsie

My house is like a giant store room

and I get so frustrated sometimes. Like sometimes I literally just sit in the living room and look around me and get so annoyed and I can literally feel the angst in me because the house which I'm living in is a complete mess (i.e. now). Boxes and paper bags filled with tons of stuff are piled up over each other at every single corner of this house it's so frustrating. I would show a photo of it but it's just too embarrassing I cannot even. What makes it even more frustrating is that as much as I want to clear all this pile of nonsense, I cannot because none of it belongs to me but to the mother. As long as there is an empty space in sight, she will definitely chuck something she bought there I swear. It's gotten worse since she stopped working. Both ends of the sofa are occupied by her things since, and the only place to sit is in the middle of the fucking sofa like what what what what that is definitely not what a sofa is meant for. Three quarters of the dining tables are filled with her stuff too (we have 2 dining tables btw) holy shit my god I do not understand the thoughts of a hoarder. More than half of my life I have been living with such a huge mess it's just so frustrating I don't think anyone will understand? Not being ungrateful, but it's definitely one of the reasons why I cannot wait to move out into my own apartment just so I can finally live in a nice clean neat place.  It may not seem like it, but the level of frustration here is sky fucking high -__-

study stu st s s s sia siasu

So my 2-week study break officially starts today, and as expected, I have gotten nothing done because I have no sense of urgency whatsoever. A semester into uni life has definitely not been the best and I have been struggling between the two choices: To pursue studies or go out to work??? And by work of course i mean Singapore Airlines

Honestly if i were to weigh the pros and cons between the two, all that I have achieved in school are average to below average grades. So, do i pay to go to school and get below average scores, or get paid to go to work, travel and earn some money? (So obvious which I should totally be going for)

The only con which I can think of for going to work is no more weekends with the bf (which is very very important to me) and ultimately, no degree (which is otherwise assumed to be a "basic necessity" to survive in Singapore). I don't think that I'm ready to sacrifice my weekends for a job right now so I guess the option of going to work is out.

No idea why I'm still debating and whining over this when I have been in school for almost a semester now??? Just excuse me while I continue to be bitter and to try and seek comfort while accepting the fact that I am stuck with another 4 years of studying. I will forever and always be envious of people whose job scope involves them flying across the globe ok )": I will always be counting down to the end of my education journey. Sometimes I just cannot believe that I "conformed to the ways of society", can I put it that way? I can now be easily labelled as just a typical Singaporean pursuing business studies (obviously), and accepting the fate of becoming an office-slave. On a brighter note, I have definitely not accepted this tragic fate of mine ok 👌

What is Life

Basically me being v sick of work. I think I am allergic to assignments because every time I have to start on it, I procrastinate like hell (as you can see). Spend the entire day on my laptop but I basically ended up with at least ten different tabs in a single incognito window which I cannot close because I will eventually need all of them for a stupid essay. Oh yes, and I finally got hold of my new laptop aka a macbook, which I am pretty satisfied and happy with - apart from the fact that it's having issues with my home network, which actually gets on my nerve a lot. I am such a failure becus i can't even keep my blog regularly updated (signs of a failure). So here's a quick update for my future reference:

 I just turned 20 almost a month ago. Expected my life to be an exciting roller coaster of emotions with turning 20 and entering into a new school and bf entering into army and all but null. The only roller coaster of emotions I feel are the monthly PMS symptoms lel Depression and Angst and Joy and Annoyance are basically the emotions I felt within these 3 days, which I do not understand how one can feel so much in such a short span of time? Considering the fact that nothing major has happened in my life, by the way. Period is supposed to be in 2 weeks, so I'm honestly not sure if it's PMS or am I just crazy. University has been a little bit of a disappointment because it just isn't as enjoyable as I thought it would be. All I honestly want to do is just to go school, get over with submissions, and carry on with my every day life. Four years of this is going to be torturous but life is torturous as it is. I have just decided at this very moment that within these 4 years, I shall have a goal in mind to improve my skin condition, to be up to Singapore Airline's standards, and be able to fly upon graduation. Also, I really should start hitting a gym to vent out frustrations in life lel 

"I hope someday you find someone who makes flowers grow even in the darkest parts of you"

14 Feb 2015

Sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out for life, or anyone for that matter hahahahhais
The grass will only always seem greener on the other side guys
Other than that, Happy V Day everibadi

2015

First post of the new year 2k15 (No idea how this trend started)

Because I've thought of my new years' resolutions even though everyone says not to but I really want to do this so yes, here I am. Plus I'll be hitting the big 2 this year, and graduating from SP, and entering into a university, and removing my braces, and finding new stuff to do. It's scary that there's gonna be so much to handle this year, I'm not sure if i'll be able to do it.

2015 Resolutions:
1. Drink more water
2. Improve my skin
3. Be less lazy
4. Mature up
5. Legitimately mature up (Because I need to stop being so egoistic and willful 80% of the time and turning 20 means turning into an adult)

And there you go. Looks pathetic but I'm really hoping to grow into someone who's more mature and to be able to think for not only myself but those around. To stop having the need to have the final say and to stop wanting everything my way just because. Throughout more than half my teenage years, I've grown to become someone whom I would say is "independent" and couldn't care less about others (in the willful kind of way). I honestly like it that way, but it's not going to work well with having the bf (mentioning "the bf " just somehow automatically makes everything sound cheesy to me but oh well). Sometimes just really can't stand the fact of how males have to be the dominant one and females to just stick to being "girls". No idea where I'm going with this and how I'm going to achieve my resolutions at the moment. I just hope that as i get nearer to 20 each day, my brain and mentality will automatically adjust to an adult's and turn me into the mature grown up which i ought to be 🙏🙏

Happy Birthdays

Not like the bae will ever see this, but Happy Birthday!! Have been making preparations for this day ( 8 dec 2014) and it hasn't even ended even though the day is long over. Started his surprise off with a celebration with his Dota boys together with a cute-ass cake which Edwin made from Posh brownies. Sidenote: We fell into a petty argument at that very afternoon but I wouldn't want to go into detail about it. Just realised how long a day it was so instead of typing it all out,

1. Surprise celebration with the boys
2. Surprise celebration from me at midnight
3. Surprise celebration with 05
4. Surprise birthday present - The Script tickets
5. Surprise chalet with 05&06 (In progress)
6. Surprise staycation (In progress)

Have never done so much for a person's birthday before hahaha but well it's all worth it seeing people being happy. On top of it all, thankful for having Kai Ni to help with the purchase of The Script's tickets (-: Want to collate the series of events through photos but am in too much of a state of lazy right now so maybe another day. Talking about birthdays, just want to recall how the bf surprised me with a trip to Krabi just 4 months back because I never got to put it down in this space. Was genuinely surprised and touched because I don't know who in the right mind would spend on a trip for 2, when we've barely been together for a year. We basically went there without knowing much, but ended up having the best time. Came back to another surprise by Crazy SH a few days later. I love birthdays cause it's just one of those annual events which remind me of the bestest group of friends I've got and how ever so thankful I am to have them.

Meh

From today on (26 Nov 2014), I would like to officially say that Pre-Menstrual Symptom aka PMS id real guys. Personally never had any issue or have experienced it, but I can no longer proudly boast about this fact anymore. The bf has come to made me realise that PMS is indeed real and I do unknowingly suffer from it. No,  I'm not in any sort of physical pain, but I think that I'm having some temperamental issues hahahaha. Actually went to google on it and read on how some girls have it so bad where they can be happy one moment, and crying at the very next. It's safe to say that I definitely do not experience that, however I just experienced being happy and energetic for the past couple of days, and then mood-less today; how annoying. Oh, not forgetting the random cravings which I get (red velvet cake rn) but that isn't so much of an issue. 'Happy' is such an amateurish word but my English has deteriorated to the point of no return so whatevsss

Only actually knew that PMS exists in me after realising that the bf and I usually end up in petty/unnecessary quarrels and arguments a week before the most dreaded period. And i do pity him for having to put up with this every few weeks hahaha although he ends up getting rather mad and frustrated but thank god he's one of the most patient people I know who has actually tolerated me and my childish antiques till today heheh. We just caught Mockingjay Part 1 and i'm genuinely tired and have no mood for any sort of human interaction right now so off I go to take a hot shower > complete resume and cover letter > sleep
Hope that I can salvage this space before 2014 comes to an end ☹

'Cause you brought out the best of me
A part of me I'd never seen
You took my soul wiped it clean
Our love was made for movie screens

2014

Another year, just like that. 2013 definitely went by really fast, just like 2014 will; and 2015; and 2016 and so on. Can't believe that it's been 2 years since I've decided to start being active in blogging about the significant events in my life, but it hasn't been very successful for 2013, as you can see. I've got to say that 2013 has been rather kind to me. Sure, not everything went perfectly, but I'm pretty sure that there were more ups than downs. From getting to know new people, to forging closer relationships with the current ones (I'm ever so thankful to have them around btw). And the gigs. Who can ever forget the gigs, These concerts will be remembered for quite some time to come. With so much that has happened in 2013, I'm rather excited to see what 2014 has to offer.

And, we're already into the second day of 2014. I mean, seriously? Someone needs to find a way to slow time down, a s a p. Honestly speaking, I can't feel that we've entered into a new year already. Feels the same old. Maybe because I know that the new term is going to kill me. Absolutely cannot wait to end Year 2. I thought of making some new year resolutions, but I've never actually made them before since I'm pretty sure that I won't be able to follow through. The only one which I have kept with me throughout the year was to drink more water; which failed in between, until I come to the realisation of how bad my complexion is getting at certain points of time (a down for 2013 - bad complexion). That's the only realistic resolution which I can currently think of. Thought of adding gym-ing to the list, but who am I kidding. I actually have plans to do something different for 2014 though. It's one of those 'tumblr-ish' activity where you have to write on a slip of paper every little happy thing that occurs throughout, and safe keep them in a jar. And then when you're feeling low and just don't feel like existing, open up the jar to read through the slips of paper. I thought that this way, it will be a lot easier to get through those tough times right? Teaches you to be even more appreciative too! And I'm planning to overcome my laziness, and get back to blogging about significant events in my life. Hopefully with more pictures, since I've got a proper camera phone now yay

Oh, and I just remembered how disappointed and angsty I got quite a couple of times in 2013, because of people being unappreciative. Therefore... You're one of the only few I know who reads this space, so thanks Cheu for the christmas pressies (The Maine EP and their merch!! and instax which I cannot wait to use) and everything else. Hope you like your present hahahaha 

Pierce The Veil 15/2/13

Although I was literally suffocating throughout and thought I was gonna die, Pierce The Veil's concert was really awesome!! It's something that I can't really explain, but you'll have to be there to experience. The crowd was crazy although there was a lot, and I mean A LOT of pushing. I actually got separated from the bro and friends, so yes, I was basically alone for practically the whole concert hahahah but you wouldn't even bother since all you would wanna do is enjoy, but at the same time, get as close to the front as possible. Didn't really like it when people crowd surfed above me though, since I was already suffocating and they're just so damn heavy. By the end of it, everyone was literally drenched and soaked in sweat, like my hair and shirt; all wet from sweat. 

By the way, attending concerts have got to be the best thing ever because I really really really love listening to crowds singing along incredibly loudly during concerts. I get goosebumps from it and I just really really love it. Oh, and Vic posted our selfie on his instagram the following day omg I don't think anything can beat that, I thought I could just die in peace already hahahah So glad that I decided to go and super thankful for the bro who managed to get tickets for Jia An and I (":

// So this post has been lying in my draft for so many months now, and I'm finally publishing it. No idea why it took me so long. Anyway my love for Pierce The Veil has developed since, and I seriously love them to bits, like really.

Thank You and Goodnight

WELL, SHUT UP AND LISTEN 13 WAS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS THAT EVER HAPPENED.

The atmosphere was great, the crowd was great, and the bands were just the absolute best. Tonight Alive, Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, and Anberlin have such fantastic stage presence, I am gonna remember this night for I don't know, ever. Queuing alone early in the morning was totally worth it. Honestly enjoyed myself so much, I regret nothing at all.

Can't wait to get hold of all the pictures we got with Tonight Alive ♥

29/8/2013

"How terrible it is to love something death can touch."

Seriously need one of these pictures blown up and hung on my wall.
Credits to Adam Elmakias (http://adamelmakias.com/).
He takes amazing photos of bands and their concerts.

Wanna purchase a print so bad but they don't seem to be shipping to Singapore. Someone help? )-:

Clarity

Clarity - Zedd (Cover) @andrewagarcia & @andylangemusic 

So damn good ♥

Daylight

Well, guys, look how fast time has flown once again? Haven't made a post since the start of the term, and we're already at the end of it. It hasn't actually felt that long. And, I just wanted to say how I couldn't agree more with my previous post. I love it so much that I would favourite/reblog it over a million times if I could. Re-reading it over and over and over again just makes me feel so... hopeful/determined? I don't know, I can't seem to explain it. I just feel really, really good. Just so you know, I hate having to admit to being the sort who actually cares about what people have to say/think of me. But in case you couldn't tell, I'm learning to lose this horrible pride of mine, and do what I have to do. Screw what others say. Over the years, I've learnt to be more of me, and less of what others expect me to be. It has been a personal struggle of mine for some time now and you have no idea how glad I am to realise that I'm coming to terms with it. Things can only get better from here; I know it (-: 

And just some highlights in my life for the past months:

1. Braces

2. Industrial piercing

3. Met Chester See/MyChonny/David Choi/Wes

By the way, I would like to take this moment to appreciate and thank my lovely and encouraging brace-faced friends who stood with my constant complaining and whining on how scared I was with each trip to the dentist. It may last for another 2 weeks or so though, because I'll be extracting my teeth soon AND I'M SCARED HAHA Anyway, I luv u guys :*

Ending off with old pictures from Adventure Cove

Look at us losers hahahah Can't wait to go again hehe

"Many times I’ve alluded to how I’ve experienced my fair share of problems (although I haven’t disclosed what exactly they’ve been, you can probably infer) and I’ve also noted how much I’ve changed through the process of coming back from these painful experiences. I want to clarify something. I don’t think I’ve actually changed. I think I’ve become more and more myself. Every time I’m pushed to my limits and don’t know how I’ll go on, the way I eventually do is by removing a layer of my ego and living out what I know to be truly me.

There is nothing more liberating than the day you realize you’re living without consideration of other’s opinions. It’s the day that you’re focused on what you are doing, right in that moment. It’s when you don’t hold back because you’re afraid of who may judge you and make you feel embarrassed. It’s also the day that you accept negative opinions as weightless, insignificant thoughts of others. You make yourself the only person in control of your life. As it should be."

     (Source: Thought Catalog, Brianna Wiest )

Th1rteen R3asons Why

Thirteen Reasons Why - I really enjoyed reading it although the ending was a little bit of a spoiler. Well, us Poly kids are Year 2 seniors now. Can anyone believe that we're already into the third week of the new semester? Time flies so extremely fast, it's getting hard to keep up. Before we know it, we'll all be out working or pursing our Masters/Degrees. My first week of school was decent, but I have no idea how so much lethargy hit me in the second week; I'm so glad it's over. Not gonna complain much since I have every Wednesday of the week to rest (I mad love my timetable). As much as I want to be a hardcore mugger this semester and attempt to achieve a maximum GPA, I'll never be able to pull it off. Therefore my plan is to just diligently do the weekly tutorials and have quick revisions here and there between the week. Please feel free to help motivate me along the way. And I'll definitely try my best to put oversleeping and skipping classes to the minimum. I have very very decent and nice new tutors, which I'm very glad and thankful for because I think that they actually make me feel hopeful of being able to do well. To end off on a happier note, Ryan Higa may be coming back next month, Sleeping With Sirens new album in June, and Fall Out Boy is having a concert here in August. I absolutely cannot wait ☺

*.*

Clinton Cave (Rapper)

Jose Mostajo

Guys let me share with you some of my Youtube guy crushes because they make me swoon *.* 

You're Welcome